i want my...

couple of things:

1. Udon noodle soup.
It's bad.
Not the soup; the fact that I am so addicted to it.
I take it to bed and dream about it. Seriously, it's disturbing.
I just waded through the obscene crowd that has gathered outside my workplace for the Mets parade (is that football or baseball? Oh- baseball. Did they win something?) so that I could reach my udon noodle soup dealer before the masses descended on it for their fix.
Now, as a vegetarian, I ordered the vegetarian udon noodle soup, expecting what I always get: a heaping bowl full of tender veggies and a sumptuous serving of tofu and seaweed. For whatever the reason- a universe conspiring against me, I'm guessing- the vegetable content in today's soup was significantly lacking. I thought of asking the man behind the counter, in a heavily intoned manner of importance "Don't you know who I am?", but then I realized I am nobody, and that the man didn't speak English well enough to understand me anyway.

2. A line I never hear used to pick up members of the opposite sex is, "Hi. I'm Justin, and I want your baby back ribs."
It's a shame; I think this is a very effective line.
If anyone ever uses it on me, I will know to marry them on the spot.