Wednesday, August 30, 2006

rick's humdinger

this post is courtesy of my friend rick.
i had to repost it because it's brilliant.
get that rick- i just called you brilliant.
now you owe me.

Not Just Humming Dixie

If I've learned anything from the current administration, it's to just do whatever you want even if the "rules" forbid it. Yee-haw! Take that, U.N.!

So, I'm starting my own War on Terror (Eco-Terrorism Division).

My first pre-emptive strike will be on HUMMERs. Since they are war machines, I will use guerilla tactics in sabotaging them.

Here are some helpful hints for keeping HUMMERs off the road:

Disclaimer - I do not condone any of the following actions I am recommending.

1) Slice off inflator posts (or whatever those little sticky-uppy things are called that you connect to to inflate an inner tube). Tires for those CO2-exhaling monsters are like over $300 each. Go for a $1,200 score. At what point does this criminal mischief go from misdemeanor to felony?

2) Stick unpeelable stickers on windshields (like campus security does if you leave your car outside the girls' dorm while you do some night-vision binocular reconnaissance). Use the kind that you just can't get off. Obstruct the driver's view. Those windshields ain't cheap!

Make the stickers fun, or poignant, or both. Some examples: "I HATE THE ENVIRONMENT" or "I'M OVERCOMPENSATING FOR MY DICK (tiny)" or combined as "MY WEE WILLY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL WARMING". Be creative!

3) Banana in the tailpipe. It worked in Beverly Hills Cop. Bring a keyboard along and play Axel F. You'll be glad you made the extra effort.

That's it. That's how I'll start this plight to save the world. By destroying someone's property that is destroying all of our property, this our world.

"Detroit cop got no fuckin' business in Beverly Hills!"

- quote (I just made up) from 'Beverly Hills Cop'

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“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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